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The 10 Worst Movies of 2017 (So Far)

15 June 2017 | Features, Film Lists | by Mike Gray

So many terrible movies, so little time. The film industry is large and mostly profitable; even ostensible garbage turns a profit on a long enough timeline. Due to this, there aren’t many notable “box office bombs” anymore–and anyway, that’s not a reliable measure of a film’s worth in general. As you’ll see on this list of the worst films (so far) of 2017, a number of them have made a great deal of money–but this doesn’t mean they’re good films.

In fact, it’s often difficult to judge what’s truly “good” or “bad” about films: even universally disliked films have some fans. Instead, this list was put together based on expectations, budget, and the talent involved. Some films weren’t made for much money and it shows, but a low budget is no excuse for making a shoddy film.

Similarly, some had high budgets and a fair amount of talent involved and still turned out terrible. And finally, there are films on this list that for unknowable reasons have made tons of dough–but that doesn’t mean they’re actually good. And besides, tearing into films can be a lot of fun. With that in mind, here are the 10 worst films (so far) of 2017.

 

10. The Boss Baby

The Boss Baby

An imaginative young boy named Tim is upset when his parents bring another child into the house–literally, since their new baby arrives in a taxi. He’s especially annoyed since they now give the newborn all of the attention he was accustomed to receiving from them exclusively.

But Tim finds out his new baby brother (voiced by Alec Baldwin) talks like a character from Glengarry Glen Ross, wears suits, and is actually part of an organization called Baby Corp., and–hold on, there’s more setup involved–he drinks a formula that makes him intelligent and has infiltrated Tim’s family because his parents work for a company called Puppy Co. that are releasing a new version of a “Forever Puppy” that will be more popular than babies, which this new baby has to stop so babies can continue to hold the market share(?) of being loveable.

Got all that? Together, Tim and his new boss baby must stop from these new puppies being released into the world, thereby…jeopardizing babies?

And wow, for such a convoluted setup this is a mindless movie. Insulting the intelligence of children and babies alike, The Boss Baby is a sloppily written, has headache-inducing CGI, and features an unlikeable main character in Baldwin’s “boss baby.”

Alternately too juvenile for adults but with a premise far too sophisticated for children, inexplicably this has become one of the highest-grossing films of the year, which can only be accounted for by being released during a season where there were few family-friendly films in theaters.

History will most likely not be kind to this movie; like a baby, it’s a rare film that lacks a sense of object permanence. Instead, the viewer begins to forget The Boss Baby almost immediately after it ends.

 

9. Rings

Rings

The original Japanese Ringu was a highly influential horror film, and its American remake The Ring (marking the first US remake of a Japanese horror film) was a smash hit. Even the original sequel (the cleverly titled The Ring 2) released in 2005 was pretty good. And that was all we ever needed to hear about from this franchise for the rest of time.

But apparently not, since a short 12 years after the last film–back by non-existent demand– Rings was released. This time around, the walking dead meat of this installment are a group of people who are stuck in an endless daisy chain of unfortunates who have watched the haunted VHS (a very timely technology in the second decade of the 21st century) and make copies to pass along to save their own skin. But wait: at the end the video goes viral! That’s current, right?

Featuring terrible acting, worse direction, cheap jump scares that might frighten someone who has literally never experienced one before, and an air of pointlessness that seems to have infected the film much like the haunted spirit does in the tapes, Rings still turned a healthy profit, proving that there’s always a new generation of teenagers who will plunk down their parent’s money for a few hours in a movie theater regardless of the quality of what’s playing.

 

8. Arsenal

Arsenal

Nicolas Cage and John Cusack have both made some fine films in their careers. Cage is an Academy-award winning actor while Cusack has a strange and affecting charm of his own, and both have enjoyed long and successful acting careers. Why either of them would agree to be in a film as shoddy as Arsenal is perplexing. Perhaps they both have money problems.

A paycheck could be the only reason either would appear in this dreck. So the story goes: JP and Mikey (neither played by Cage or Cusack) are brothers who went different directions in life–JP owns a construction company and Mikey’s a small-time crook.

But when Mikey is kidnapped by Eddie King (Cage, whose performance is at least imbued with his patented insanity), JP goes to his crooked cop pal Sal (Cusack, in “Who gives a crap?” mode) for some help, but mostly it’s about JP trying to rescue Mikey from Eddie.

There’s violence and action and tough guy talk but it’s also unbelievably boring to watch. Arsenal comes across as if the filmmaker woke up one day and realized he had a budget to spend but no idea what to do with it, so he hired a few name actors, cobbled together some loose crime film ideas, and started shooting until the film ran out. What was produced from this was Arsenal, a film that needn’t have been made and shouldn’t be watched by anybody who values their free time in any way.

 

7. Eloise

Eloise

Listen: audiences don’t ask much from horror films. Come up with an original idea, throw some gore around, keep the pace up, maybe add some humor or gratuitous nudity to lighten the load, and have it end by the 90 minute mark. In short, horror films are rarely expected to be Citizen Kane. But even these basic elements are absent in Eloise.

While it starts off with a strong premise–a haunted mental asylum based on the real-life Eloise hospital that once functioned as a combination poor house/psychiatric hospital/TB ward in the early 20th century–the film does nothing with it, instead hitting every cliche branch on the trope tree as it falls interminably towards a conclusion.

So: a guy has to spend a night in the abandoned Eloise asylum to find a death certificate to claim an inheritance and ropes in some of his pals to join him. Eliza Dushku plays one of the characters to provide a recognizable name. A full third of the movie is spent setting up the characters and their relationships to each other, none of which ultimately matter.

The asylum comes across like a low-rent haunted house. Characters are picked off one-by-one by malevolent entities, and some of them had relatives who worked in the hospital so they’re haunted by them, as well. And then it finally ends at 89 minutes so it got that right, at least.

This subpar by-the-numbers horror flick wouldn’t have made this list were it not for two facts: 1) the director, Robert Legato, is one of the most acclaimed visual effects supervisors in film history, having won three Academy Awards for his work, including for Titanic. Look him up on Wikipedia: he’s had an impressive career. This was his directorial debut and it looks like it’ll be his only directorial outing. 2) They filmed this movie in the actual run-down Eloise psychiatric hospital but there’s nothing in the film they couldn’t have accomplished on sets.

The fact that a film based on a legendary asylum that must have hundreds of real-life stories that could have been made into amazing horror films–and was filmed on location in said asylum–instead was used for this Scooby Doo-esque mystery is a waste of all of the time, talent, and money of everyone involved in the production of Eloise.

 

6. Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades Darker

While the runaway literary success of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy puzzled everyone (except for the hordes that bought it), that could be excused: if people want to read poorly written erotica, then at least it’s nice that people are reading again.

People even scoffed when they heard it was going to be made into a movie: after all, a notoriously graphic book couldn’t be anything other than straight-out porn, right? But it was cleaned up for the theaters to secure an R rating in 2015; critics hated it because it was ostensibly the same kind of crap the book was, but it turned a healthy profit and it was announced they’d just keep on making the movies until the story’s conclusion.

Now in 2017 we have Fifty Shades Darker, which continues the Mary Sue erotic adventures of Anastasia Steele and her totally believable devoted billionaire sadomasochist lover Christian Grey.

This time around, they’re on the outs with each other, with Grey trying to win her back. She begins doing some detective work, finding out about Grey’s abusive past, while also finding rivals in Grey’s former girlfriend/submissive Leila and former dominant Elena. And she gets a big promotion at work and he asks her to marry him because despite the BDSM cover it’s still pretty much just a chick flick.

Aside from terrible direction, writing, and performances, the film is shallow garbage. Then again, so were the books, so this should be expected. As mentioned, it’s really just a wish fulfillment fantasy aimed at the 25-and-older female quadrant with a little “taboo” sex thrown in for spice.

Despite its glaring, obvious weaknesses as a film it made quite a bit of money at the box office, so expect sometime next year the (hopefully) concluding film Fifty Shades Freed. See you next year when it lands on the same kind of list as this one.

 

 

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  • Kush Limbaugh

    CHiPs and Baywatch were masterpieces, you asshole!

  • David Pollison

    What ever happened to that saying: “If you don’t have something nice to say…”

    • Clickbait happened

    • Valentin Genev

      They are writing movie reviews for people who don’t want to waste time and money on a crappy movies. I probably wouldn’t have watched GitS if I knew what to expect.

    • Doby Gillis

      Are you serious with that bs? GTFO of your mom’s basement and join the real world, Felicia.

    • Conan the Republican

      Went away a long time ago.

    • ontheroadwitheric

      There are plenty of Top 10 lists floating around if you want some balance.

      But I don’t see anything wrong with pointing out Hollywood’s penchant for poorly-written, uninspired retreads that waste millions of dollars. In my view, people are telling Hollywood that we expect it to do better, but we’re not holding our collective breath. Personally, I’m tired of being presented with gaping plot-holes, prurient subject matter, and endless SJW virtue signaling.

      But enough about Amy Schumer.

      It’s not like we can’t appreciate good cinema, such as Lost City of Z or similar. Good writing, direction and acting should be appreciated, and exceptional work should be appreciated on that level, too. But there’s nothing wrong with calling a turd a turd. As Aristotle would say, A is A.

      Finally, isn’t saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say…” a critique, too?

  • Mortimer

    Amy Schumer sucks.

    • Conan the Republican

      Literally…and carpet-munches.

  • Jacob Lyon Goddard

    Shooting fish in a barrel is too easy, this place deserves better.

  • Can we add the new Transformers to the list? We all know it’s going to suck. It’s the same old shitty effects w/ bad editing and awful treatment toward women.

    • Conan the Republican

      Homo much?

      • Excuse me?

        • Conan the Republican

          That’s funny…I don’t remember stuttering…

          • Is that you Michael Bay?

          • 999SickBoy666 .

            Conan, you said that you couldn’t follow “Ghost in the Shell”, which has one of the most linear, clichè and obvious plot ever, and yet you are trying to reason about ACTUAL topics, like ISIS and the condition of women? Admitting that you can’t follow a movie targeted to general audiences is one thing but what you wrote here is embarassing (even for someone with “Republican” in his nickname).

          • Doby Gillis

            You are an absolute moron. Typical right wing retard.

          • Conan the Republican

            I’m fucking brilliant. You’re a commie simp.

  • Rudi

    And yet another hate list as click bait. Well, congratulations, I clicked, responded and most probably people will respond to my message by saying I’ve lost my mind.

    Ghost in the Shell? Small masterpiece with great editing and once again a brilliant ScarJo. 9/10

    Fifty Shades Darker? I loved it just as I loved FSoG. It looks great and it takes itself way less serious than people make you believe with its soap-like dialogues. 8/10

    Baywatch? I thought I would hate it, but it proved to be one of the most fun releases of the year so far. Judging by this list, the writer has no idea how to interpret movies. 7/10

    The Circle? Not great, but for its target group it holds a pretty important lesson. Also, Watson (once again) delivers. 6/10

    • Mortimer

      I’ll certainly not say that you have lost your mind but I think you should raise your movie standards a bit. You also said that Collateral Beauty is great movie a few months ago.

      Btw, I agree that negative lists on ToC are unnecessary.

      • Rudi

        I’m not going to lower myself by attacking you, but I’d never say something like that to anyone. It’s usually a sign of narcissism.

        Also, I don’t remember my exact words but I’m sure I haven’t said CB is a great movie, since I gave it a 7/10.

        • 7/10 is about 4-5 points too high though….

          • Rudi

            Yeah, thank you for your contribution. I’ll go watch a movie now instead of keeping myself busy with other people’s opinions.

          • You go right ahead and watch those horrible movies

      • mistresshate

        It’s called “Taste of Cinema” which would include Cinematic Tastes. That, to me, would include both negative and positive lists. And neither you two here were rude to each other. Everyone has their opinions on movies. Both you guys are valid. You’re cool, it’s fine. Geez.

      • Doby Gillis

        Then don’t read them you worthless snowflake. Look up the definition of criticism you tard.

        • Mortimer

          Ah, I see…you’re one of those retarded monkeys who appear randomly on some site and start to insult people (me and some others here) without any reason. Let me guess – you didn’t get laid for god knows how much long. Am I right, momma’s boy ?
          Or you are a girl who didn’t get laid for quite some time ? It’s the same.

    • colonelkurtz

      Can’t agree with the rest, but Ghost in the Shell I’m (somewhat) with you. I don’t have the nostalgia for the original that some do, and when i watched it I was underwhelmed. Sure there was philosophical stuff, but I’ve seen it done better elsewhere, plus a lot of big Japanese anime have philosophical content, so I expected it portrayed better. I wouldn’t give the new one high praise (SJ’s acting felt stiff and dialogue was real bad at times), but it was an enjoyable movie.

    • Afrikoka

      funny.

  • colonelkurtz

    Don’t pull whitewashed crap into Ghost in the Shell. Please. Any other complaint (though it was visually pleasing) is okay, but that is just annoying. She looks like the character as much as anyone, and even Japanese were fine with her. It’s just us white people who complain about this to appear more whoknowswhat.

    • Afrikoka

      or different opinions..

    • Doby Gillis

      crawl back under your rock with the rest of the cockroaches.

  • jann1k

    Ghost In The Shell worse than Fifty Shades Darker? Come on. I get that some people were disappointed by the changes made in the remake or didn’t want to see a remake of a classic at all, but this is just ridiculous. It was a good movie and nowhere near as bad as any of the other entries from this list I’ve seen so far.

    • Afrikoka

      lol.

    • Conan the Republican

      I am Scarlett J’s biggest fan, but GITS was impossible to follow, storyline-wise, and was just too CGI’d out.

      • Same As Always

        You must be slow. The story was fine. And the CGI looked great.

        • Typhon

          Clearly it wasn’t because the movie tanked.

        • Demode

          The movie sucked. Best to stick with the original anime.

        • Conan the Republican

          I refer you to the following two comments. Make that three (Phenome).

    • Phenome

      There are no movies worse, than the GITS-Remake. It was proof that CGI can’t save a movie.

      • jamako

        Disagreed. It obviously wasn’t as good as the original, but even with the dumbed down story it’s so clearly superior to trash like Fifty Shades.

  • Kuknalim Babu

    Ghost in the shell was whitewashed af pure and simple. Funny thing is, the film itself wasn’t all that bad, but it wasn’t brilliant either. Just a rehash of old tropes.

    • Typhon

      Probably because most anime characters have more Caucasian features, including Motoko, than Japanese. I wouldn’t even consider this “whitewashing” compared to other real-life movies.

      • Young Thugga

        The anime didn’t have Caucasian features, it just seems that way to you since you are operating with a certain stereotypical image of Asians. Motoko, like most Japanese anime characters of the period, looks Japanese to Japanese people, and was intended to be Japanese.

        • Typhon

          What features are you taking about? The most segregating features are the eyes and hers around round like Caucasian, not slanted like Asian.

          • Young Thugga

            Alright, let’s talk anime eyes. They are big. No human eyes look like that, regardless of race.

            That’s the first thing. But also, Japanese eyes have a wide variety of shapes and sizes.

            Most Americans have not grown up around many Japanese people, and don’t see their media outside anime. And they have a stereotypical asian look for all asians, in their mind, that does not account for the rich diversity of anatomical features Japanese people possess. Just go check out my favorite female Japanese actress, Saki Aibu for example, or Miura Haruma for a male example. For more references, you can look up Mizuki Yamamoto and Aizawa Rina, or Arimura Kasumi, or Horikita Maki. I don’t think any of these have smaller eyes than your avarage white person. In fact, ScarJo’s eyes are smaller than some Japanese actresses lol.

            Anime eyes are normally drawn to meet certain stylistic conventions, and their shape and size depends on the era they were drawn in and the studio that drew them, more than on what any real human eyes really look like. But when a Japanese person sees an anime character, Mokoto or anyone else, they see a Japanese person that looks like an anime character, not a white person. And when a Japanese creator draws an anime character, they are drawing an anime character, not a white person.

            For the record I think ScarJo’s face is actually a really good match for Mokoto for some reason. If they had to cast a white person, they couldn’t have done any better than to cast her. But it’s still a case of hollywood whitewashing at the end of the day, and that’s not something you can get away from by talking about eye shapes.

          • Spiros Mpotwnakhs

            Μοtoko was cast as a Japanese. What whitewashing are you all talkin about? Major doesnt have freakin asian characteristics.

          • Young Thugga

            (anime voice) Eeeeeeh?? You realize Motoko and Major are the same person right? Yeah in the movie they changed it so she’s originally a japanese person that has her name and body changed, so that she could be played by Scarlet Johanson. But that just so happens to be the whitewashing I’m talking about.

            Now my questions: What Asian characteristics are you talking about exactly? What characteristics do asian people lack, that Scarlet Johanson possesses?

  • Ricky James
    • Jérôme

      get lost

  • Catalin Campeanu

    I can’t really remember laughing so much….. Baywatch! So, what’s your problem? Not enough tits in the movie for you to be chocking the chicken like you use to?

  • I am gravity falls fan

    Boss baby was great

  • Neil Boreland

    Granted there’s no Oscar winners here but worst movies of 2017 – you obviously don’t watch that many movies – there plenty more deserving of that accolade than these choices which are pretty much “easy targets” and nothing more

  • UnsyndicatedWriter

    Ghost wasn’t that bad, just controversial.

    Snatched was alright, just a generic comedy, had a lot of funny parts, and I usually dont like amy schumer but this was a good role for her.

    This could be updated for The Emoji Movie & Mother! I’m certain those are more hated than snatched and GITS.

  • Iñaki Zárate

    Where the hell is Alien Covenant? Fuck that stupid movie.

    • Mortimer

      Fuck you.

  • Dexter Bodhisattva

    Really? No Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets? Should be No1

  • Ivana Cvetanovic

    Valerian and the City of Thousand whatever must be on this list. I assume it was made before it was released.

  • Allister Cooper

    Oh, well, a bad movie is better than no movie!

    • fantail31

      Actually its not. Too much money and resources are wasted on a bad movie. Moves have to have a pretty damn good reason to exist at all in todays cinema climate.

      • Allister Cooper

        Greetings! True, but still, even some bad films have at least one thing of offer, and they show just what went wrong. Lesson learned :).

  • Rass

    What idiot compiled this list?

  • Josh James

    I’d be happy if Death Note, IT, Alien Covenant & Valerian were on this list.

    Ghost in the Shell & Alien Covenant were okay, but boring, predictable and disappointing, even insulting to the audience at times. It was my biggest let down because I’m a huge fan of Stephen King, the book & the two part mini-series.

  • Vendetta

    You forgot, “What Happened To Monday”

  • Andrey Edward

    GITS is great if you forget the original

  • Gee Nation

    They can kiss my ass…..Boss Baby was a good movie

  • Spiros Mpotwnakhs

    Ghost in the shell white washed? What? Kaori Yamamoto plays Motoko. Motoko is japanese. Major isnt. Other than the fact it didnt delve into the philology of the anime it was more than fine.

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