5. The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
The Cloverfield Paradox is a sci-fi thriller about a team of scientists on board a space station where they do experiments with some sort of new technology science thingy, one day an experiment goes wrong and they have either seemingly moved or the earth has mysteriously disappeared.
It’s the type of film that’s built around mystery and how nothing of what is happening seemingly makes any sense, and it can be kind of entertaining when it’s just going crazy and throwing non-sense at the viewer like its life depended on it, but when it comes time for the pay-off and the answers the film has no idea what to do.
Throughout the film there is a sub-plot with people back on earth and there is some kind of an attack going on, the sub-plot is interesting in how it could potentially connect to the main storyline but in the end its literally only there so that we can have a cheap cliff-hanger ending where a bigger version of the Cloverfield monster screams at the camera for no reason.
That pretty perfectly sums up this movie, it’s full of potentially interesting stuff that could go somewhere but ends up going nowhere and quickly falls apart in retrospect.
4. Primer (2004)
Primer is a time travel film that prides itself on being really smart, it’s full of technical jargon that’s going to be almost impenetrable for most viewers, but that’s mostly to hide some of the films weaker aspects, like the poor character development, bad acting, poor camerawork, unsound structure and generally just being rather unengaging.
It has some really interesting concepts that aren’t that hard to grasp but it develops them in such a poor way that it ends up being 77 minute’s worth of interesting ideas that don’t actually go anywhere or cohere into anything interesting.
After a pretty boring first act the film does get a little more engaging once the time travel stuff is finally introduced and for a long time it looks like it might actually be on its way to becoming great, but then it just keeps getting messier and messier and not in a smart way, but in a really amateurish way that makes it look like Shane Carruth had too many ideas for his own good and lacked the focus and resources to actually turn them into something good.
The film ends in a place that should be really interesting, we’ve reached a really convoluted timeline where there are multiple versions of the main protagonists walking around and one of them decided to go to France and make a factory sized time machine, but the characters are just so empty and the story has become such an unengaging mess that you really don’t care and are just happy that this amateurish mess is over.
3. Planet of the Apes (2001)
Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes reboot is pretty much hated by everyone, and that’s in large deal thanks to the ending.
The film is actually a decently entertaining if a monumentally silly action adventure that has pretty much nothing to do with the original other than the name and the most basic concept of a planet ruled by apes, everything else is so different that it’s easy to see why fans of the original would absolutely despise the reboot.
There is a lot in this film to enjoy, Mark Wahlberg’s Happening level acting, the amazing ape make-up, ape stoners, Tim Roth hamming it up, that gloriously silly climactic battle and Paul Giamatti being wonderfully sleezy, but even with all of that the ending is, simply put, infuriating.
It’s like they desperately wanted to top the infamous twist ending of the original without actually understanding what made the original so great and ended up just aping after it’s broadest strokes and made something that makes so little sense and is so out of touch with the rest of the story that it’s really hard to watch that ending and not get pretty angry.
2. Cassandra’s Dream (2007)
Woody Allen isn’t and never has been a good director, that might be a controversial statement to make, but who is up to defend an unfunny paedophile that makes boring movies?
But out of all of his movies Cassandra’s Dream is his least Woody Allen-esque and that’s in the end what pretty much saves it.
The film is a pretty good and surprisingly dark character driven thriller that stars Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell as brothers that get into financial trouble and ask their rich uncle (Tom Wilkinson) if he could help them, but he will only give them the money if they agree to kill one of his old business partners.
The film works surprisingly well until the ending, where it becomes painfully obvious that this really is a Woody Allen film as he makes the biggest drama of the film happen off screen and cuts directly to the aftermath for no apparent reason other than to showcase how different and original he is and in the process ends up ruining the ending by suffocating it with his fingerprints.
Or in short, Cassandra’s Dream is a Woody Allen film where the worst parts are the parts that feel like a Woody Allen film.
1. Superman: The Movie (1978)
This film is highly acclaimed by many and some would even call it the definitive Superman film (it isn’t, as of now the definitive Superman film has yet to come, we’ve only gotten a couple of pretty good ones) and it’s a good film, it may be a little too campy and the pacing is a little off but it’s still a really good film, until the ending comes and completely ruins it.
Depending on who you ask, Superman either turns back time by rotating the Earth or goes back in time in the final moments of Superman: The Movie, but the problem is that neither of these explanations makes any sense, if he turned back time then it means that he doomed a hell of a lot of people just to save the lady he wanted to shag, which completely betrays all of Superman’s ideals.
Not to mention all the damage that would have happened if the Earth just suddenly reversed its rotation, something that wouldn’t lead to time travel, and if he went back in time then it means that his past self is still out there saving those other people but will also find Loise alive and well, but if Loise is alive then Superman never had any reason to go back in time, which creates a paradox, because if he never went back in time then Loise should be dead and by going back in time and saving Loise he is eliminating the very reason for his own time travel.
It’s an ending that’s just so bafflingly stupid that it completely destroys the rest of the movie, everything the movie had done right up to that point was completely ruined, which makes this ending both absolutely infuriating and highly disappointing.