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10 Films That Will Make You Hate Movies

24 April 2019 | Features, Film Lists | by Jordan Ray

Film’s ability to manipulate our personal opinions and moral code is unrivaled in the many arts. The big screen can subvert our expectations and unintentionally influence everything we know.

Growing to hate the art form is feasible because of the incredibly vast array of material available. Abysmal films and superb films alike can provoke cynical feelings of aversion. Once held feelings of reverence for the industry can ostensibly be eradicated with one viewing experience, good or bad.

Bad movies cheapen the art form and can fabricate a false sense of hopelessness. Good movies intimidate us and inflate our expectations, essentially prompting a more vitriolic perspective. Deliberately or not, movies impact our present satisfaction while simultaneously constructing subconscious thoughts about the art in its totality.

These are the 10 movies that will cause you to hate movies:

 

1. Crash

The movie that solved racism! Crash is a problematic film…to say the least. Canadian-born, scientology-devotee, writer-director Paul Haggis’ view of racism in America is unequivocally fallacious. The conscious choice to make every character a stereotype in the film is cringe-inducing, obnoxious and quite offensive.

The film is a borderline soap-opera with the illogical dialogue. Conversations between the anachronistic characters aren’t realistic and the motives of the respective characters are questionable. The ensemble cast constantly contradicts their morals for no reason other than…well…bad writing.

Haggis seemed to be more concerned with the “message” of the movie rather than the actual plot because nothing in the film is very believable or makes much sense. Haggis’ choice of interconnecting all of the characters is not clever nor logical. Crash was marketed on the pretense that it felt “real” and depicted contemporary America, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The race-bait film is not very subtle in its message, and does not tackle racism or xenophobia from an original, refreshing angle. Crash’s critical success and recognition at the Oscars (winning Best Picture) is upsetting. If the Academy wanted to award a timely, important film, they could have recognized Brokeback Mountain rather than this lazy film. The only thing that Crash succeeds in is frustrating the viewer.

 

2. Movie 43

Possibly the worst film ever made, Movie 43 is directed by 13 people, written by 26 people, and starring a blockbuster ensemble cast. A disaster from the start, not one of the Hollywood stars could save this movie. One critic referred to it as “the Citizen Kane of awful” for good reason.

This movie feels like a compilation of the worst SNL skits ever made, elongating for 90+ minutes. The star-studded cast acting in an obscene, grotesque manner is not very appealing, but rather awkward and provocative. The 13 vignettes that comprise this film seem to get worse with each sequential segment. Often times it can be entertaining to rank segments of anthology films, but not with this one. You want to forget Movie 43 the instant it concludes.

The movie has no goal other than to annoy you. The film’s attempt at being meta and clever comes off as pretentious and almost pathetic. Movie 43 is horribly offensive and an insult to filmmaking and should be avoided at all costs. The film infamously received a Razzie for Worst Picture and was loathed by critics and audience alike. If you somehow sit through this movie in its entirety, it will leave an indelible mark on your brain causing you to hate movies.

 

3. The Artist

The Artist is by no means a bad film, it is actually quite enjoyable. The annoyance is more with its success at the 84th Academy Awards. The Artist stole the night, winning Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Actor.

Did it warrant these awards? Probably not, being that 2 of the best movies of the 21st century were released the same year: The Tree of Life, and A Separation. These films are modern day classics and make The Artist seem bland and conventional. The movie seemed to be rewarded more for its concept, a silent black and white film in the 21st century, rather than its execution, a melodramatic, traditional romantic film.

Time has certainly not helped this movie. A renaissance of silent, black and white films has not arrived following the release of this movie for good reason, it’s not that great of a film. The Artist provokes feelings of nostalgia for classic Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton films, mainly due to its failures rather than its achievements. The Artist is a fine film, but a forgettable one. It will forever be known as one of the worst Best Picture winners in the history of The Academy Awards.

 

4. Grown Ups

Grown Ups

Grown Ups personifies the modern state of comedies: washed up actors playing the same characters over and over again, with the same bad, immature jokes. It is not clear whether this movie was made for immature teenage boys or grown men going through a midlife crisis trying to relive their glory days.

The washed up cast is not funny and the screenplay is weak and cliché. The movie somehow manages to be misogynistic and misandrist simultaneously. The movie contains so many bad one-liners that you almost expect a cheesy laugh track to complement it.

The film even attempts to mix in a little, vomit-inducing, heartfelt moment at the end as a big F-U to the audience. Annoyingly, the film grossed over $270 million at the box office despite being panned by critics. The film also “earned” a sequel which was just as bad as this one.

The cast continues to make bad comedies year after year that somehow make money. But hey, at least director Dennis Dugan recovered with his next film Jack and Jill the following year… oh wait, that also sucked.

 

5. Bohemian Rhapsody

Bohemian Rhapsody

Ah yes, Oscar-winning Bohemian Rhapsody, the most recent film to make the list. A movie that is ostensibly created by members of Queen not named Freddie Mercury, with directing contributions by Bryan Singer and Dexter Fletcher. The cultural phenomenon Bohemian Rhapsody is a formulaic biopic with a conventional 3 act structure — the rise of the band, the breakup of the band, and the reunion of the band, with a clear emphasis on THE BAND.

The film really wants us to care about each member of the pop-rock group, likely due to Queen’s creative control of the film. The movie consists of endless montages and constructed like a bad music video. The frantic editing is nauseating, with frames that don’t seem to last for more than a few seconds.

Rami Malek’s Oscar-winning “portrayal” of the great Freddie Mercury is laughable at times and infuriating at others. His abysmal lip-syncing is put on display throughout the film, most notably during the Live Aid concert. This CGI-heavy sequence has an indescribable artificial feel to it compared to the legendary charity concert. Malek’s depiction of Freddie Mercury as a neurotic egomaniac is plain inaccurate and vexing.

Painting Mercury as a repulsive, unbearable person was probably not the wisest creative decision, being that he’s the only character in the movie we actually care about. Mercury’s character isn’t “redeemed” by the band until it is revealed that he as AIDS, an offensive, not so subtle moment in which he coughs up blood… yes, that actually happened…

The fact that nobody wants to talk about how this movie was primarily directed by a pedophile is still a little troubling. Singer’s involvement will taint this film’s reputation for years to come. The most annoying aspect of the film though is its tremendous success at the box office and awards shows, leading many to question where the industry is headed.

This movie spawned the “music biopic universe”, which will thrive for years to come, with Rocket Man being released later in the year. Movie fans may lose hope when watching a farce like Bohemian Rhapsody and when reflecting on the movie, may ask themselves: what would Freddie Mercury think of this historically inaccurate film?

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