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The 10 Best Quotes in a Kevin Smith Movie

02 April 2016 | Features, Other Lists | by Andy Kubica

clerksfeature

If you are offended easily, this is not the list for you.

Kevin Smith entered into the mainstream in 1994 along with some guy named Tarantino.

His film, “Clerks”, was made on a shoestring budget of only $27,000 mostly by maxing out credit cards, selling his comic book collection and calling in lots of favors.

He worked at the Quick Stop convenience store in Leonardo, New Jersey, where the movie was filmed during the day and then shot the film 21 straight nights to get the film completed.

The film actually received an NC-17 rating from the MPAA due to all the explicit salty dialogue which was later changed to R.

“View Askewniverse” refers to Smith’s production company “View Askew Productions” and includes the fictional world and characters Smith created and have appeared in the films “Clerks”, “Mallrats”, “Chasing Amy”, “Dogma”, “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” and “Clerks 2”.

Smith’s career has been an interesting one. Smith himself has proclaimed he is a lazy filmmaker and only makes films now when his bank account is getting low. Who knows if this is actually true.

He was able to achieve every geek’s dream when he was married at the Skywalker Ranch.

After the “Askewniverse”, Smith directed the forgettable “Cop Out” and “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” before rebounding with “Red State” and “Tusk”. He also has the “Tusk” sequel “Yoga Hosers” releasing later in 2016 starring his daughter, Harley Quinn Smith and Johnny Depp’s daughter, Lily-Rose Depp.

 

10. Dogma

The Line: “Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God’s true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.”

Context: After going to sleep, Bethany (Linda Fiorentino) awakens to a fiery blaze within her bedroom. She is met by Metatron (the late great Alan Rickman), who tells her he is the voice of God.

Why it is great: The greatness is mostly due to Rickman and his delivery. He also whips down his pants to reveal he has no penis. He tries to explain Bethany’s heritage and mission to come and she is reluctant to believe it.

Rickman was the kind of guy who could read entries in the phone book and it would be hilarious.

 

9. Mallrats

The Line: “Tell ’em, Steve-Dave!”

Context: TS and Brodie (Jeremy London and Jason Lee) are strolling through the mall when they discover a long line at the local comic book store and an argument between all involved ensues.

Why it is great: The line has become something of an urban legend in Kevin Smith circles, no one really understanding what it means. Some think it is an inside joke amongst Smith and friends.

The other actors involved in the scene (Bryan Johnson and Walt Flanagan) now produce a “smodcast” with the title “Tell ’em, Steve-Dave!” that still lives on to this day.

Johnson and Flanagan have appeared in many Smith films as different characters or differing versions of these people and have even repeated the line in other films.

 

8. Mallrats

The Line: “Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?”

Context: Brodie decides one way TS should get even with Brandi’s dad (the awesome Michael Rooker) is to give him a “stink palm”. This act consists of sticking your hand down the back of your pants and then shaking hands with your victim. According to Brodie, the smell takes forever to dissipate.

Why it is great: Classic gross-out humor at its best. Brodie proceeds to shake hands with Rooker, fondle his hand while he inspects his high school class ring and then place a warm, melty chocolate candy in his hand.

 

7. Chasing Amy

The Line: “Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy. Bust this: Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down, even in a galaxy far, far away. Check this shit: You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!”

Context: Holden McNeil and Banky Edwards (Ben Affleck and Jason Lee) are attending a comic book show and listening to their friend Hooper go on a misguided tirade about racism of Star Wars and how white people are always keeping black people down.

Why it is great: The whole thing is revealed to be a set up to sell more comic books. Jason Lee’s continued prodding forces Hooper to whip out a pistol and clear the room.

The Star Wars films are a constant source of material in Smith’s films including the scene in “Clerks” where they talk about independent contractors and their work on the Death Star.

 

6. Clerks II

The Line: “Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it’s forgivable to go ass to mouth.”

Context: Randal and Dante (Jeff Anderson and Brian O’Halloran) are having one of their “deep” pointless discussions while working at fast food chain joint Mooby’s when this uncomfortable subject comes up.

Randal’s point is to say some girls like this kind of thing and Dante is repulsed. Becky (the saucy Rosario Dawson) let’s Dante in on a dirty little secret.

Why it is great: Inappropriate public conversations about private topics are a hallmark of a Kevin Smith script. Breaking down barriers and discussing taboo subjects in one of the things Smith does best and this is no exception.
It appears one of his goals is to make you laugh and cringe in your seat at the same time.

 

 

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  • Jacob Lyon Goddard

    Wait…Kevin Smith made movies after Clerks?

    • HLLH

      12, to be precise.

      • shane scott-travis

        Nearly all of them unwatchable. 😛

  • Stéfano Marcos Cavalcanti Torr

    “IN A ROW?!”

    • Jason Siegel

      I saw Kevin Smith on some show, and he had a custom hockey jersey on, and the number on the sleeves and back was #37!!!

  • Steppenwolf

    “Did he say ‘Making fuck’?”

    • Jason Siegel

      BERZERKER!!!!!

  • Dick Jerk Algorithm

    If only Kevin Smith had survived the 90’s…
    R.I.P.

  • Klaus Dannick

    The one from Zack and Miri Make a Porno in which Zack refers to Paris Hilton, with a fair amount of certainty, as being “legally retarded” should have made this list. It’s better than all of these, IMO.

  • Jason Siegel

    Anyone who’s seen Clerks, and has EVER worked ANY customer service position, whether on the phone or face to face, has said the #1 line…….I say it ALL THE DAMN TIME. I’ve worked call center for about 15 years now.