The 20 Most Quotable Comedy Movies of All Time

14. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Anchorman, Der - Die Legende von Ron Burgundy / Anchorman

Will Ferrell is the last great actor to come out of Saturday Night Live. Hands down.

The current cast pales in comparison.

The most recent film on the list (2004), the writing by Ferrell and director Adam McKay is stellar although you would have to think a lot of the film was improvised.

According to IMb, “Adam McKay has said that in the first draft of the script, the story was about a planeload of news anchors who crash in the mountains and discover that the plane which they collided was carrying monkeys and martial arts equipment, leading to a battle between cannibalistic newsmen and star-throwing monkeys.”

This is one of those cases where the plot of the movie is irrelevant to the dialogue. The supporting cast behind Ferrell featuring Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and Christina Applegate make the film so much better, but the film, ultimately, belongs to Will Ferrell.

His comic delivery, timing and willingness to act really stupid and say anything to get a laugh is amazing.

It’s hard to believe they waited nine years before releasing “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” in 2013.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “And I’m Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.”
2. ““You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”
3. “It’s terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!”
4. “What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad; that’s amazing.”
5. “The human torch was denied a bank loan.”
6. “By the beard of Zeus.”
7. “I love lamp. I love lamp.”
8. “You know I don’t speak Spanish.”
9. “Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?”
10. “I’m in a glass case of emotion!”
11. “They’ve done studies, you know. 60 percent of the time, it works every time.”
12. “Don’t act like you’re not impressed.”
13. “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.”
14. “I’m Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.”
15. “I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn’t cotton candy like the guy said… my tummy itches.”


13. Spaceballs


There may be other Mel Brooks films which should appear on this list besides “Spaceballs”; however, this one was released during my high school years, so it holds more meaning for me personally.

Also being a huge science fiction fan growing up, the parody in this film hit much more close to home.

Rick Moranis as “Dark Helmet” and John Candy as “Barf” were my personal favorites as they always seemed to have the best lines.

Mel Brooks films always seem to have a little too much toilet humor, but they are also so full of genius comic performances which carry the films through and “Spaceballs” is no exception.

John Candy was taken from us too soon as he was only 43 when he died. Rewatch this film and some of his others to remember him with great fondness.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.”
2. “How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?”
3. “Oh, no. Not again.”
4. “Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower.”
5. “May the schwartz be with you!”
6. “What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?”
7. “You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!”
8. “I’ve lost the bleeps, I’ve lost the sweeps, and I’ve lost the creeps.”
9. “The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.”
10. “So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”
11. “Funny, she doesn’t look Druish.”
12. “I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let’s see how well you handle it.”
13. “I’m a mog: half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend!”
15. “She’s gone from suck to blow.”


12. The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride

Screenplay legend William Goldman had another hit with adapting his fairy tale about true love for the big screen. Some of his many other writing credits include Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, All the President’s Men and Misery.

The film was able to strike just the right notes of comedy, action and romance to appeal to a very wide audience. Having said that, the film opened in 1987 and only did around $30 million at the box office.

The movie found another life on home video and has remained one of those movies you can sit around and watch with your entire family ever since.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
2. “You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…”
3. “Anybody want a peanut?”
4. “WRONG. Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.”
5. “Have fun stormin’ da castle.”
6. “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”
7. “Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”
8. “I… am not left-handed.”
9. “This is true love – you think this happens every day?”
10. “That’s right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.”
11. “I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large women.”
12. “You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”
13. “You’ve been mostly-dead all day.”
14. “No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry Humperdinck in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape… after I kill Count Rugen.”
15. “As you wish.”
16. “Inconceiveble!”


11. Ghostbusters


Unlike some other films which were not box office hits, this movie did well.

Very well.

In fact, for a long time it was the highest grossing comedy film of all time raking in over $242 million at the box office in 1984. The comedy genius of Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd as well as Harold Ramis is what made the movie great. Their delivery and rapport in the film is what made audiences keep coming back for more.

If not for stubborn and eccentric Murray, there probably would have at least been a “Ghostbusters 3” after part2 was released in 1989 and maybe more.

Unfortunately, now we are going to have to suffer through an all-female reboot of the franchise in the summer of 2016.

Wake me when it’s over!

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!”
2. “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “YES”!”
3. “Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.”
4. “Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown…”
5. “Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?”
6. “We’ve been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft’s okay! He’s a sailor, he’s in New York; we get this guy laid, we won’t have any trouble!”
7. “He slimed me.”
8. “We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!”
9. “Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s sample, it would be a Twinkie… thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.”
10. “We’re ready to believe you.”
11. “I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!”
12. “Mother puss bucket!”
13. “NOBODY steps on a church in my town.”
14. “Back off man, I’m a scientist.”
15. “I taped a 20-minute workout and played it back at high speed on my machine so it only took ten minutes. I got a great workout.”


10. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

It would have been easy to include several other John Hughes films in this list as he always had the great talent of writing and directing characters that were extremely well developed, goofy but very relatable to the audience.
“Ferris Bueller” was one of those movies you always wanted to try to recreate in your own life, but never thought you could actually get away with it.

While in high school, we all thought about faking sickness just to play hooky and spend a memorable day with friends.

Luckily, Hughes gave us Ferris, best friend Cameron Frye, girlfriend Sloane Peterson as well as a supporting cast of parents and school administrators we will never forget.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
2. “Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller?”
3. “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t come to the door right now. I’m afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!”
4. “The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.”
5. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh… you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.”
6. “I heard that you were feeling ill. Headache, fever, and a chill. I came to help restore your pluck, cause I’m the nurse who likes to…”
7. “The Sausage King of Chicago?”
8. “Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to.”
9. “Never had one lesson!”
10. “I do have a test today, that wasn’t bullshit. It’s on European socialism. I mean, really, what’s the point? I’m not European. I don’t plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they’re socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car.”
11. “The question isn’t “what are we going to do,” the question is “what aren’t we going to do?””
12. “Hey batta batta batta hey batta batta batta SWING batta!”
13. “Here’s where Cameron goes berserk.”
14. “He’ll keep calling me. He’ll keep calling me until I come over. He’ll make me feel guilty. This is uh… This is ridiculous, ok I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go. What – I’LL GO. Shit.”
15. “Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn’t throw anybody… It’s true.”


9. Groundhog Day


Bill Murray appears on this list more than anyone else. Certainly not coincidence. His ability to ad lib and his dry delivery make him a comic natural. His career certainly has had two phases: his early slapstick comedies and then his more serious “dramedy” work after hooking up with Wes Anderson.

If you ever have the time, go online and search the list of movies he could have appeared in if we would have only returned a phone call.

Groundhog Day is a film marvel in many ways. A simple story about someone reliving the same day over and over again doesn’t sound like a recipe for success, but this was proven very incorrect. Murray’s character transforming from selfish jerkoff to a man wanting to prove his love is amazing and hilarious at the same time.

My family seems to use quotes from this film almost every day.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.”
2. “Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don’t forget your booties ’cause it’s cooooold out there today.”
3. “Phil? Hey, Phil? Phil! Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you!”
4. “Ned… Ryerson. “Needlenose Ned”? “Ned the Head”? C’mon, buddy. Case Western High. Ned Ryerson: I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing! Ned Ryerson: got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn’t graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson: I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple times until you told me not to anymore?”
5. “Too early for flapjacks?”
6. “I’m a god. I’m not *the* God… I don’t think.”
7. “I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned.”
8. “You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There’s a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You’re a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You’re very generous. You’re kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.”
9. “Don’t you have some kind of a line that you keep open for emergencies or for celebrities? I’m both. I’m a celebrity in an emergency.”
10. “Change of departure today:… Eighty percent?… seventy-five/eighty?”
11. “I would love to stay here and talk with you… but I’m not going to.”
12. “You wanna throw up here, or you wanna throw up in the car?”
13. “Nancy: she works in the dress shop and makes noises like a chipmunk when she gets *real* excited.”
14. “Well maybe the *real* God uses tricks, you know? Maybe he’s not omnipotent. He’s just been around so long he knows everything.”
15. “Just put that anywhere, pal”


8. Fletch


Here is another film franchise which should have kept going if for no other reason than the dry wit of Chevy Chase.
His delivery, almost under his breath, the way he insults you without you even knowing it is unparalleled.

His crazy costumes, random alternate identities and the ability to make the strangest stories actually make sense could not have been pulled off by anyone else.

There were rumors for a while of director Kevin Smith resurrecting the series with Ben Affleck in the leading role, but that never happened.

Here’s hoping this one is laid to rest as Chase would be a very tough act to follow.

Just look at the recent “Vacation” reboot.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “You using the whole fist, Doc?”
2. “Oh, it’s me, Dr. Rosenpenis. I’m just here to check out Alan Stanwyk’s file.”
3. “Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo.”
4. “John Cock… tos… ton.”
5. “Yeah, why don’t you guys go down to the gym and pump each other.”
6. “Nugent. Ted Nugent.”
7. “Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants…”
8. “He is actually six-five, with the afro, six-nine.”
9. “Curiously, she said we had roughly the same build. From the waist up, I imagine.”
10. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn’t want to have to do this. I’m with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses.”
11. “Yeah, do you have the Beatles’ White Album? Never mind, just get me a glass of hot fat. And bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia while you’re out there.”
12. “Yes, very good. I’ll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and… a steak sandwich, please.”
13. “Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice piece of ass.”
14. “Provo, Spain?”
15. “When it came to basketball Gail was a loss, but we had our own version of one-on-one and she thought I was the bravest guy in the world. Which, of course, I am. By the way, I charged the entire vacation to Mr. Underhill’s American Express Card. Want the number?”