Some movies are meant to be seen with friends. Others are meant to be enjoyed as “date movies”. But some rare films turn the movie going experience into a two-plus hour exercise in awkward tension. These films forgo the basics clichés of most love stories and typically devolve into the dark underworld of human relations.
The following are 13 films that under no circumstances should be watched with your significant other. This is in no way an indictment of these films as many are critically and popularly acclaimed and are in fact excellent. What they have in common is the uncomfortableness you and your husband, wife, fiancé, or boy/girlfriend will experience during and after watching them.
The best movies provoke debate, dialogue and conversation. These films provoke anger, suspicion, and inadequacy. You have been warned…
13. Hall Pass (2011)
The Movie: Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis are two bumbling guys bored in their relationships, who are given a one week break from marriage by their wives.
Why you should NOT watch with your SO: This “would be comedy” opens up all sorts of Pandora’s Box questions married couples should not explore. The men in the movie prove they know nothing about actually meeting women as the women explore their own freedom. Many married individuals saw the previews and said, “Hey Honey we should try that!” By the end you’ll be questioning each other’s vows.
12. Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)
The Movie: In Kevin Smith’s Z&M, two friends, Seth Rogen & Elizabeth Banks are in bad financial trouble and of course what else is there to do but… make and sell a homemade porno. Of course, friends become lovers who can’t handle it and need over two hours to resolve their feelings.
Why you should NOT watch with your SO: Zack and Miri is all in the title. No one wins in homemade pornography, and broaching the subject could be a deal breaker. It all stirs up issues of sexual inadequacy and well, the obsession with pornography.
11. Chasing Amy (1997)
The Movie: Chasing Amy stars the usual Kevin Smith crowd focusing on Ben Affleck’s Holden who falls for a lesbian (Joey Lauren Adams). After getting her to switch teams, her past stirs up all sorts of problems for his personal and professional relationships.
Why you should NOT watch with your SO: Chasing Amy is about a man unable to deal with his girlfriend’s promiscuous past to the point where he sabotages his entire life. Watching it with a significant other might cue questions of past sexual experiences and promiscuity and end in real life arguing and despair.
10. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
The Movie: Stanley Kubrick’s last film explores a married couple’s adventures which involve admitting sexual fantasies with strangers, following women home, and sneaking into high society orgies.
Why you should NOT watch with your SO: Don’t you just love Tomcole? Oh wait…..maybe they shouldn’t have watched the screening together. Everything in this film makes marriage and sex feel creepy and awkward. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married in real life and divorced soon after adding to the overwhelming eeriness. Not to mention you may start to give dirty looks to everyone your significant other works with.
9. The Good Girl (2002)
The Movie: A retail worker, Jennifer Aniston is bored by her schlubby working class husband (John C. Reilly) and his couch potato lifestyle, and embarks on an affair with a new young coworker (Jake Gyllenhaal). Reilly’s best friend sees the illicit tryst and uses it to his advantage to make his own move on Aniston.
Why you should NOT watch with your SO: Sure Reilly is a doofus, but he is a faithful working husband. Aniston’s character feels liberated by her affair and soon everyone is acting in their own interests. Working class couples who come home and watch TV should avoid this film or risk facing inquiries as to “why don’t we do more exciting things?”
8. Fatal Attraction (1987)
The Movie: Michael Douglas is a loving husband and father. But when the family is away the lonely husband will play. His wild weekend affair with Alex Forrest (Glenn Close) turns into a stalker-thriller with Close inevitably choosing the “Me or No one” approach to love by going after his wife, his daughter, and of course, his rabbit.
Why you should NOT watch with your SO: Many of us have jobs requiring us to work late, not make it home, and miss family getaways. Those seemingly mundane occurrences become targets of wild speculation after this thriller. Asking to stay home from the family trip is met with scorn and suspicion. Plus, simple rule: Don’t watch movies with your significant other, in which the protagonist is a cheating liar.