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The 20 Funniest Woody Allen Movie Quotes

07 August 2013 | Features, Other Lists | by David Zou


Another year, another Woody Allen movie. His latest work Blue Jasmine received mostly positive reviews from fans and critics, a brilliant character study as it is, it does lack the classic Allen-esque lines, which sounds so right and makes you laugh out loud at the same time.

Making this list is both easy and tough. It’s easy because there are many options to choose, I could choose 30 quotes straightly from Annie Hall alone. It’s tough because there are TOO many of them, to narrow down the choices is like narrowing it down to the top 10 Allen movies, but I have to finish this impossible task. If I missed any words of wisdom from Mr. Allen, please add them back in the comments.

Here we go, this is a movie quote list you can totally enjoy and learn something from, believe me.


20. A Life Divided


The Film: Annie Hall

The Quote: “I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.”

Words Of Wisdom? Definitely. We know we’re happy to be miserable. At least in comparison to the horrible.


19. Crime Pays


The Film: Take The Money And Run

The Quote: “I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.”

Words Of Wisdom? So wise we’re actually considering a bit of a career change.


18. Bag O’ Nerves


The Film: Annie Hall

The Quote: “I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”

Words Of Wisdom? Never have we heard a more poetic description of that sickly giddy feeling of falling in love.


17. Pure Sweetness


The Film: Love And Death

The Quote: “The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.”

Words Of Wisdom? Nothing against old God, but Allen’s got a point here.

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